hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
