I heard we made out
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
