the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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