think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
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Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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