So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
