I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
