the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
