How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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