yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
