Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
