It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
