Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
