i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
