dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
