She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
