trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
