If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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