Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
