Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was confusing and full of hummus
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
