Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
