when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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