Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
