hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
