There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
