ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
