the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
