just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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