I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Terrible idea I love it
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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