I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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