I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
