PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
