Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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