I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Less talking, more tequila
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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