Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i barfeds in our rink
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
