So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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