I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
