Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
