I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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