This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
