last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
