you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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