I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
