I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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