we have officially lost it.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
