Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
