I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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