When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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