I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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