He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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