i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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