Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No subtext here. People are naked.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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