perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
