I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
