When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
