people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Four minutes until I can fart!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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