don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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