just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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