My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
