did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
