I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
