hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
