nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
