I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
