I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
