hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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