I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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