I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
