You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
