There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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