your parents love me but you hate me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think your dad took our porno
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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