I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
