I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
