Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
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Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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