I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
