This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
