Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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