Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
