I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
