Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
